Surprised

Once in a while, I find myself searching for something that's hard to describe. I think it's a feeling; when I listen to music or see a particular flash in someone's eyes or see a certain picture or painting, I get this quick, little jolt of emotion in my gut that spreads throughout my whole body. It doesn't last very long, and I often try to repeat the same gesture that evoked the feeling, but don't get the same level or depth. This kind of - glow(?) remains behind, and I keep expecting (maybe looking?) for something to happen. (I know this is weird, hang with me here.)

I guess it's more an anticipation of something, a sort of sense of something beyond wonderful that's just a little too high for me to reach. C.S. Lewis refers to this feeling as being "surprised by Joy", and his articulation of it (in his book called "Surprised by Joy", no less) is the best description I can find.

It's almost bittersweet, but in a positive(?) way. I can't reach it, but I know it's there somewhere. It's moments like these, from both my experience and apparently C.S. Lewis's, that I really know that God exists, that there is something so much higher and broader than my own humanity. This really isn't rational at all - sorry if you're disappointed, but you can't put much rationality on these kind of feelings.