Glass o' Water: September 2006

AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Momentary frustration-

Key word = momentary, which is a lie.

(I really should not have drank that rather large cup of coffee. Ah well)

Ever have one of those ambivalent days when on one side of the coin, life is fantastic, super, terrific, and on the other side, it is...well, not. And you don't really know what to make of it. Because it just doesn't fit. Like being happy and sad at the same time. It is very confusing and my emotions feel a little disorganized at the time being.

When my mind is not hyped by caffeine, I should be better able to elaborate on this subject.

By the way, I am not fit for "walking meditation" which we practiced today during World Religions. I most definitely tripped going up the stairs while everyone else strided away serenely. I chose this picture of the water drop because it looked serene.

And I did run seven miles today and felt like I was about to collapse at the end.

But I did make an "A" on my Calculus Quiz. I wanted to hug Dr. P-----. And then he said that we have another quiz tomorrow.

And my group did not have to give our presentation on a Jewish religious rite, which was nice, because we were not completely prepared. We thought is was due today, but it's actually due four weeks from now. Yes, I know. (We're doing a jewish burial rite. I'm going to be buried under fake rocks; we've made yarmulkes and fake rabbi beards and prayer shawls - the whole kit and caboodle)

And I am almost finished reading Dante's Inferno for West. Lit. My buddies Dante, Virgil, and I have just passed through the bolgia of the thieves who are constantly melding shapes with serpents, and the bolgia of the sowers of discord who are forever hacked apart by a demon with a sword.

And M---- and I are going to be Mario and Luigi respectively for Halloween He's going to stuff pillows down his shirt to be more plump, and since I'm tall I don't really have to worry about anything

Please accept my apologies for this post - hope you have a wonderful evening.

Photo from http://www.state.de.us/planning/livedel/information/ln_water.shtml

College Impression Number 3

I've been told that many "professed Christian" college students renounce/fall away/turn their backs on their faith once they hit sophomore year.

And I can see why. This whole college experience has been a whole series of highs and lows so far, and regrettably, I often seek God out during the low points when I need Him the most. The first day of school I cried out to Him inside and asked Him to help me through this, to help me through being away from friends and family. The high points, however, are a whole new story. When I make new friends, go to interesting classes, experience life with more freedom than I've ever possessed - it's so easy to have God become part of my "faith" or "religion" in a neat little compartment to my overall self when I feel good about life. And when I plan out my future, when I think of what I want, the goals I want to achieve, the life I want to live, I think I might be farther away from Him than ever. "Of course," I always say to myself to ease any guilt (self-righteously), "I'll be living my life for God while I'm doing all this," yet it seems to take second priority.

There's a song by the Newsboys (yes, the good old Newsboys) called Hallelujah, with this chorus:

"She sings Hallelujah, when all has become nothing, and her hope in the Savior, has colored all she does, and taints the way she loves."

The word "taint" gives me pause, yet the idea of my hope in the Savior coloring all I do, when all else in life has become nothing...that is letting my faith become me, letting it be what I am, a Christian. I've asked God to forgive me for ever letting Him fall to the back of my mind, and I pray that I never, ever, turn away.

Batter My Heart

"Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town to'another due,
Labor to'admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly'I love you, and would be lov'd fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me, 'untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me."

Batter My Heart, by John Donne.

(Photo from http://edison.seattlecentral.edu/~mofsow01/findus.html)

I HATE Calculus.

Sorry. I extremely dislike Calculus. I don't have any problems with the teacher or anything like that, my mind just doesn't compute well mathematically.

Helpful Hunting Tips

My sis M---- bought me one of the coolest pieces of art in the known universe at Washinton D.C. last spring break: "The Great Wave Off Kanawagna" by Katsushika Hokusai. (Yes, she did indeed buy the orginal work.....actually that's a lie, she bought a print of the painting, a print. Sorry.) I have proudly posted it on the back of the dorm room door so I gaze on it while at my computer. My roommate R---- put his calender of Arkansas Wildlife complete with Helpful Hunting Tips on his closet door and I gaze on that too. Sept. 26th suggests you "Give your lawnmower a break and let grass and weeds go to seed to attract backyard wildlife."

(I don't really know how to transition from wildlife to maturity but since that's on my mind here it goes.) Ahem, speaking of wildlife, I think one of the big realizations I've had since coming to college is that I'm not as near as smart or mature or well rounded as I thought I was. I feel like an absolute prick for writing this but truth be told, I was used to being the upperclassman in high school (SENIOR DAWGS!!!) and a leader or decision maker. I'd like to say you can learn maturity from observing it in others, but I have a sneaking suspicion (really a diehard belief) that Experience is the best teacher. As frustrating as it is, sometimes you just have to endure things for yourself no matter how much you try to learn from others.

With that, I think I might go get some lunch. Adios.

Reading List

Well well well....I've decided to start an official reading list. I'm going to choose five books spannig a few weeks to read and think about; once one set is finished, I'll pick out another five and carry on. There's not really any criteria - as long as the book appears to be interesting and thought provoking. (I've only picked three out so far.)

1. "The Question of God: C. S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud Debate God, Love , Sex, and the Meaning of Life" by Dr. Armand M. Nicholi Jr.